Alright boys, this is it. This year marks fifty years since The Godfather was released, and you bet your hole my sister and I took advantage of the fact that it has been retouched and re-released in the cinema. There is absolutely no world in which I would willingly put a three hour and twenty-two minute long film on the television and sit down to watch it from start to finish. But put it on the big screen baby, and you’ve got my attention.
It has won its place as my third favourite franchise, after Pirates of the Caribbean, the After trilogy and before the Matrix.
Classic hit (actually)
Play this to set the scene:
A Feminist Reading of The Godfather
I think that ^ is one of the worst things I’ve ever written. Not for the actual content of the heading - I’m sure there are plenty of academics who have made a good go of that exact thesis/title - but because of how I would go about writing that piece/essay. It would be horrible, and we all know it. As someone who scraped a pass in a three-year arts degree more than five years ago, I wouldn’t say that I’m particularly qualified. But, as someone who got a first in a certificate in writing for television last year, what I’ve decided I am qualified to do is rewrite a very famous scene with the characters of the Hulu remake of High Fidelity, which I have also been rewatching lately.
To catch everyone up: Music sno/record-store-owner Rob has given up on love/romance. Things didn’t work out with Clive, her love interest at the end of season one, and she decided to leave it all behind in favour of becoming the capo of the Brooklyn mafia, taking over from Michael Corleone’s stupid nephew from The Godfather III (a role reprised by Andy Garcia. Cher plays his wife in a nod to Mamma Mia!: Here We Go Again).
INT. BACK ROOM OF CHAMPIONSHIP VINYL - DAY
Rob: (dressed in a long leather coat and stroking a large grey tabby) You come to me on the day my ex boyfriend is to be married, and you ask me to do murder for money.
Spud Moretti: Please, Godmother. This guy. He’s sending all the snakes out of Ireland. Mo cháirde. Miei amici. All the poor little fellas are slithering out into the sea off the Cliffs of Moher, like lemmings!
Rob: You know that lemmings don’t actually jump off cliffs, right? That was just a ploy by Disney to make interesting nature documentaries?
(to the camera) what I would do to get my hands on an original pressing of the soundtrack of that documentary. The sounds of those lemming screams.
Moretti: Everyone in the business knows that, Godmother. No disrespect intended. But, it was just a figure of speech.
Rob: (waving her hand in an Italian manner while looking away) sorry, go on.
Spud Moretti: Well, he’s rounding my guys up. He’s finding them in every pub, club, crack and crevice. Dragging them out with this weird shepherd's crook he has - the guys a real creep, yano? And bringing them over to the west by the busload.
Rob: I get the idea, Moretti. I got a lot of meetings today. A lot of guys want an audience, you know how it is.
Moretti: Sorry, Godmother. I’ll only be another minute. The kicker, you see… the kicker is; the guys not even Irish! Va fongole! He’s from the UK.
Rob: (one eyebrow raised) a Brit?
Moretti: The guy’s a Brit! Not an English fella, Wales or somethin’, I think. But still. Can you believe that, Godmother?
Rob: You know what, Spud? I am going to help you.
Moretti: Thank you, Godmother. Thank you. What will you do?
Rob: I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.
(looking into camera)
Basically, what’ll happen is we’ll go on three or four dates. It’s fresh, it’s new. I’m not picking my nose in front of him yet or anything. He'll start to fall- hell, I might even think I’m falling for a second too. And then I’ll probably just push him off the Brooklyn Bridge or something.
Book, TV, a film
High Fidelity
Go watch it.
X
Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Boogie Nights is what the people are saying. And I have to agree with the people. Far be it for me to form my own opinion at this time on a Sunday evening. It’s silly and gross and where the fuck has Britanny Snow been? More of her in movies please.
Fresh
This rom-com type film stars former loml Sebastian Stan and Normal Ppl’s Daisy Edgar-Jones. Like The Batman, Fresh is aesthetically appealing. The film has an almost-enchanting dim redness to it, and everything is glossy and sleek (except maybe the human flesh). But the story falls short. Too horrible to be nice and not horrible enough to be fun.
Dance Move
Wendy Erskine, I am obsessed with you.
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